


Tick, Tock.

by thelolbells



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2012!Phan, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Phan - Freeform, maybe idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6149902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelolbells/pseuds/thelolbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why 2012 was a difficult year :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tick, tock.

Phil glances at his phone. 11:55. He blinks his bleary eyes, looking down onto his bedroom floor. It was New Year's Eve, which was one of his favourite things to celebrate. 

Was. 

But instead of being around those he loved, reminiscing on the year that has past, he is sitting alone in his room, back against the door. 

He doesn't want to remember much of this year. 

The beginning of the year was great. He remembers the first thing he did as soon as the countdown reached zero. He remembers the pull of Dan's hand towards him, the warmth of the younger man against him. He remembers being pulled in for a kiss, words murmured from Dan's lips.

'Happy 2012, Phil. This should be the best year yet'.

Phil also remembers the feel of Dan go stiff under him, his eyes darting across the room. Remembers when Dan kept talking, but from a distance.

The second time Phil noticed Dan keeping away was when they both got the confirmation from the BBC that they could have their full-time radio show. They were in the radio executive's office, where they were told the news. They both jumped out of their seats, overjoyed of this new opportunity. Phil went in to hug Dan in excitement. Dan jerked away before Phil even got close. 

He saw the fear in Dan's eyes. 

He didn't push it.

Phil confronted him about it, a few times. He considered himself an understanding man, a patient soul. But he could not wrap his head around why suddenly Dan didn't want to be publicly affectionate anymore.

Usually, the older man would leave the subject alone - he can't force someone to act in a way they don't want to. But this new, colder, version of his boyfriend had creeped into their private lives. Treating Phil like a stranger in his own home. 

Anytime Phil reached out a hand to him, whether it to pat Dan on the shoulder, put an arm around him on cold nights, he was treated with hostility.  
A quiet sorry and they would both part.

When Phil questioned him, Dan got defensive. Quickly. Dan dismissed him with -

'It's fine, Phil. But what if someone sees?'

Or if Phil reminded him that they were alone, Dan replied with -

'I've just got a lot to think about, okay?'

Or, on the worst days -

Why are you asking so many questions?

Dan always stormed off when Phil tried to talk about his feelings. 

He remembers the sound of Dan's door slamming shut, the noise ringing around the flat.


	2. Tick, Tock

Tick, Tock.

Phil checked his phone again. 11:58. He wants to just go out his room.

Talk to Dan. 

But he doesn't know who Dan will be with this time.

It took half a year of feeling apart for Dan to start seeing other people. He remembers the range of faces walking out of Dans room. One day it would be a tall, muscular man. Another day, it would be a skinny, blond man. 

Occasionally, a woman.

Phil tried to forget how many different people he saw. Each new face was like a stab in the heart.

He tried seeing someone, once. A witty, young man with brown floppy hair who could brighten your day with just a simple smile. Phil remembers his sharp wit, his deep voice, his pessimistic nature.

And how much he was like Dan.

Every time they hugged, he thought of how Dan hugged him on cold nights. Each kiss made him think of the days when both him and Dan would spend days alone in their flat, never leaving each other's side. Every touch felt like Dan's on his skin.

Phil saw the way Dan looked at him when he was with this other man. When Phil pretended he wasn't looking, he saw Dan's face fall, like he'd been punched in the gut. 

Phil had to break off the short relationship. He couldn't handle the guilt of being with someone because of their resemblance of another. He couldn't handle the way Dan looked when he walked into a room to find Phil and him together, both laughing at a remark that Phil wasn't even sure was funny. 

'I just don't think my heart is in this relationship, and I'm sorry.'

Phil felt nothing as the man walked out, never too be seen again. He does remember, however, the look Dan had when the man walked out the flat, and Phil didn't go after him. He hadn't seen Dan smile like that in a while. 

It made Phil feel happy.

Making videos together was the hardest bit. Pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. Sitting as far away from each other as possible in videos, but not far away enough for viewers to be concerned. And not too close, either. Dan was too paranoid to do anything that would raise eyebrows about them.

Dan made a thing of editing all videos they starred in together. Cutting out anything that could be taken as being close, anything that could cause questions. Phil never watched back any of their videos. 

The fake laughs, heavily edited moments and pretend closeness made Phil's heart hurt.

Tick, tock.

A piece of paper sliding under his door ripped Phil away from his thoughts. Frowning, he grabbed the paper and unfolded it. In large black letters, the paper read -

I'm sorry. Can we talk?  
Dan 

Phil scrambled to his feet, legs shaking. This surely wasn't real. A sick joke, maybe. Dan and whoever else was there were probably laughing, waiting for him to come out and feel humiliated. He opened the door apprehensively, to find Dan standing there alone. He looked as if he had been crying. The older man's presence made him look up.

Phil ran in to hug him, tears threatening to run down his face. The feel of Dan reciprocating with a tight grip around his waist made him feel the happiest he's felt since they fell apart.

They kissed for the first time since last year. He felt Dan's apologies against his lips.

The sound of Big Ben chiming in the new year signalled a new beginning for their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) I'm sorry if I've hurt any hearts 


End file.
